Some of you that follow me on social media platforms may have seen a few posts regarding my job over the last few months.
In November 2017 I was signed of work due to anxiety and stress. I was a primary school teacher and under the most pressure I've ever felt in a job, it wasn't my first job - I've worked since I was 16. My anxiety got worse over time but I tried to carry on for the children, I'd convinced myself that if I carried on and worked harder the job would get easier and my anxiety would reduce. I now know that that decision made my mental health decline even more rapidly.
I would get the train to work and have a panic attack on the train, I'd be in tears until I heard the name of my stop. In my mind at the time, I had to suck it up and stop crying in case any of the children or parents were around. I would often arrive at school at 7:15am (in the hope of getting some work done), I'd be rushing around trying to eat something while trying to photocopy 30 of everything in preparation for next week’s lessons then come back to class to get into the mind-set of that day. I'd stay after school to mark books and prep for the next day. I'd jump on my train home at about 5.30 and sit marking the homework or a few books on my journey. After I'd eaten my dinner, on many occasions, I'd start on the books I’d brought home to finish marking and have an anxiety attack before bed. It was about to begin all over again and I'd not finished writing comments in the maths books.